You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Success! We fucked roommates!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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