I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
two words...techno handjob
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
