i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
