If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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