pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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