dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
