he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
