wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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