Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
