Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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