Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
