you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
