Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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