maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
