I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
