My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
