Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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