I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
