this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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