There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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