i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
