hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
