best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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