I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
