What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
