Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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