He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
