can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
