Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So vagazzling was a success
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
