new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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