he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
