Where is the hickey?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
