Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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