Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
