Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
