My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
