At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
