Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At least life still wants to fuck me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
