Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
