My Higher Power is John Stamos
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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