Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
