No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
