I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
