When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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