Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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