I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
