Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
