I'm lost and stupid without you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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