ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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