I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
