I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
